How to handle negative emotions is one of the most controversial topics in the self-help movement-particularly such emotions as "regret."
"The [desire to change one's ways] that is according to the will of God, produces a repentance [change and amends] but without regret." (2 Corinthians 7:10).
Regret is an emotion that might very well control us more than any other. Since it is also an emotion that we often try to ignore or repress, it tends to do its damage beneath the surface of our conscious mind. Some of us allow such negative emotions to exist because we assume that we "deserve to have regret" as a punishment for the "poor choices" we've made. Others take the opposite approach and try avoiding regret by brushing it aside, never taking responsibility nor attempting to improve upon themselves. The former of these can be a statement of being a victim; the latter can be a statement of pure arrogance.
There is another option. Regret can serve us for good in that it can remind us to refrain from repeating the same mistakes. However, this could imply that our fear of experiencing the negative outcomes of our past errors will make us "behave" our way back into God's good graces. This is simply not so. It is not enough for human beings to simply "behave themselves," if such "good" behavior is motivated by guilt or regret. We have learned that there is a part of us-the Christ within-that is so pure it needs not to be "frightened into behaving" or "scared straight." The Christ within is pure Love, and where pure Love is, fear cannot exist. Besides, God already sees us as perfect and sinless.
Regret is also a form of self-condemnation, created by our ego as a means of keeping us in a state of un-forgiveness. When we use regret to keep us from doing something "wrong," we are trying to tell God that we've got our own plan for correcting errors. We think we will not need God's plan for release-known as "forgiveness of self." Self-condemnation is also our ego's way to keep us from learning and healing-our only two reasons for being here on earth. This, in turn, keeps us from being liberated and free. Instead, for us to heal our regrets, we have to confront them-head on-by processing them and then coming to peace with them!
So how do you know if your regrets are valid and that your awkward feelings about previous behaviors are valid or not? One way to know is to ask yourself if you would repeat the past behavior in the present time of your life. If not, then it probably wasn't for your highest good in the past. If you are still uncertain, you can ask yourself if what you did choose in the past is something you would recommend to others-particularly someone you care about. If you wouldn't recommend certain choices and behaviors to others, then why in God's name would you try to justify that it was okay for you?
Which of the following do you most often choose for dealing with regret?
1. "I have no regrets." This applies to people who refuse to own that they've made mistakes. They might deny or minimize their behaviors but all are merely aspects of denial or avoidance.
2. "I live with constant regret, guilt and shame." This applies to people who cannot seem to forgive themselves for their errors.
3. "Regrets serve no purpose in my life." This can sound suspiciously similar to the first option, but the difference is that the reason you now have no regrets is because you know what you thought you did never actually occurred.
It's easy to say you prefer and choose the third option. However, it is much harder to actually understand it and unless you understand it, you cannot actually choose it.
When we reach a heightened level of Christ Consciousness, we find no purpose in having regret for a couple of reasons: For starters, in the ultimate sense, whatever is in the past no longer exists. Second, when you are "born again" into a new level of ucdm website-Christ Consciousness-you find that it was not the new you who committed the errors but instead, it was the old you-a part of you that exists no longer. As the Bible puts is, "There is now no condemnation for those who are [newly born into Christ Consciousness]." (Romans 8:1).
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me." (Galatians 2:20)
As with all things, there are a few ways to deal with regret. 1) You can ignore it and hope it goes away-pretending you don't feel it. 2) You can allow it to destroy you-always shaming yourself and your actions, which can then paralyze your abilities to move forward. 3) You can take an honest look (self inventory) at whatever it was that you've done (past or present) and learn from it-learning what made you choose that decision, what part of you the decision served (your ego or your soul), and even how you can choose differently next time. But the fact is that you need to do something with it. It does not serve you to pretend you are above it or that you simply don't feel such emotions.
Of course this does not imply that you need to shame or guilt yourself into making more "spiritual choices." Instead, the goal is to teach yourself about YOU and what makes you tick. Once you "know thyself," you will make different choices, but not out of fear or attempting to "be good." Instead, you will make different choices because you understand why you made your previous choices. Therefore, you can now make more educated, self-aware, and healthy choices.
It is not God's will for you to attempt to heal your soul through self-abasement. Making yourself feel bad for things you've done "wrong" is "ego-centered." Attempts to improve oneself through such means are simply not real nor are they long lasting. No amount of regret will ever correct your soul nor will it make amends for your past behavior.
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